Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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