tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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