you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he thought i was a dude.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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