I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
