Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
