not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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