i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
