do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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