I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
