shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
