i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
