Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
