that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
