alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
