I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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