Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
