Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
