Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
