beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
