I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Randomize
