When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
