So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
