You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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