I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
