You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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