Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
