I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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