Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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