Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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