my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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