your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
