Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
