I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
