i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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