I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
farters have to be the big spoon...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
