words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
