i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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