I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
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