I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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