Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
