My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
