Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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