I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
