why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
