May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
