wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
