u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
