im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
