Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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