Where did you get a picture of my penis
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
