She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
