im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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