I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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