Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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