we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
