Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
