first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
